Being put out into the world as a “man,” I grew up as a “boy.” But even as a child, I didn’t feel like I personally needed to bring it up as my label. Fast forward to now, I identify under the male gender. “Male-ish” some might say. From days where I want to wear boots with a heel on them, to days where I have a beard, to days where I never wear a Sports jersey.
Photo by Stacey Newman Photography
A part of me has always been judged by a lot of people around me growing up. I know it was the same for others. I think a lot of us are still looked at weirdly if we do not appear to look like someone’s preferred version of what they want. This has caused me to be afraid of a lot of men in particular because of my struggles with most of them behaving around me as I progressed in age. And I don’t mean that to disrespect all men, and I don’t want to generalize any gender fully. I don’t want this to be the truth either. I wish it wasn’t. I want all people to be accepting, but some can’t because of their own belief systems that were taught to them by those who raised them. Telling men they are the “power of the world” is damaging. Every harmful thing that we pass on is killing another person’s true self and ripping them apart internally.
What should we do to end this? Stop telling someone they need to change. If it’s not harming themselves or those around them, it shouldn’t matter. Too many true humans are robbed of their individuality and this is something they never agreed to giving away. What will happen if we don’t keep pushing against this? The cycle keeps moving. And once passed on, it tells us men and actually everyone that if we don’t like the thought of being a sports player prodigy, that we are less than. I know it’s not an entire gender’s fault. It’s the fault of those who continue to push that toxic dividing narrative (men or women,) and those who don’t fight to change their own or other’s ways.
It’s how certain people look at me and a lot of us for being different than something they may not see within themselves. How myself and a lot of others are given dirty looks just because we aren’t wearing stereotypical get up. There was a time when I used to change how my voice sounded and my body language around most males that were around me. I didn’t want to change myself because it felt inauthentic, but there were times where it felt like an act of survival mode kicking in so I didn’t feel judged. On one hand I didn’t care about those who didn’t understand me, but on the other it was also hard for me to deal with in a public or group setting. This can be seen as backwards, but why? The reason I did this was because I was still trying to unpack different types of rules ingrained into my character. Yet I still catch myself because we are all human and all adaptable. And if we keep letting others control what we become adjusted to, we’re going to be hurt and mentally hijacked.
I think a lot of people in general can still use a lot of improvement. Start by not judging the person wearing heavy makeup, not caring if another man wants to look a certain way that’s different than you, not pushing certain roles onto someone because of how you think they should be, etc. I think it can actually get more simple to unpack once you are aware of the fact that so many societal roles are not ones you have to abide by. We also don’t deserve an answer to why someone looks or talks a certain way. When you tell me or someone else to “be a man,” you’re telling us to be gnarlier, to reach for that football winding in the sky, to do what I need to do to be put integrated into society as “the man” I should be. It’s just like when you tell a woman or anyone to be the version of what you think they are. Do all of us want the key to a happy life? That would be to let your true self fly and break out. Who are you really? It’s your choice.
It’s the certain parts of “bro culture,” it’s the women who want to have a gay best friend “oh so badly!”, it’s those in the gay community that think they can fondle a woman because they aren’t a regular straight man, etc. The problem reaches all communities and all people. It just sadly comes famously from straight white people a lot. Your image or group becomes a problem when your way of life harms someone else’s openly, privately, whatever.
Photos by Aidan Fisher
I changed myself to who I want to be, how I want to look and when I want to change. It’s scary, but so are a lot of the people surrounding me on this earth. I don’t want to live for them. There’s amazing souls on this earth. We should let each one of them find that big self within them.
Let’s get to the real version of the future. It’s not too late to get there.
WHAT. 