THE ’90S EXTENSION

I had a talk with my aunt last October that has stuck with me. It was about how I feel like Generation Z is living in a period where the trendy culture right now has very futuristic themes, but with a mixture and extension of the 90s culture?

Photo by @endka_1 (Katsiaryna Endruszkiewicz on Unsplash), Lollipop outfit, cherry image by @isiparente (Isi Parente on Unsplash)

It feels as if the 90s ended and a few years ago “came back” around the time of the Tumblr blogging era. I think us 20 year olds now are liking picturing us all in a world pre social media, while also being on social media. Similarly, in the early 2000s the Internet was a fun place for us millennials before social media because it felt freeing. It was at times dangerous with what we were exposed to, but it was fun and new. It’s funny, but I do understand the attraction to all of it. The late 90s to 2000s made a lot of us realize that we don’t have to succumb to the thought that the “online world” will consume us. And that you can be totally outrageous, flamboyant, and not have to adjust to whatever current trend mainstream society is pushing.

The 90s era also changed a lot (with teens in that era rejecting toxic ideals) and influenced who I became partly IMO. I read an article on Bustle where a doctor talks about our generation wanting to relive a time that we experienced at a period where we didn’t have many life obligations. While that may be true, to me the era of 90s California young adult films helped shape my aesthetic interests, to free my creative thoughts, to have my own mind, the future art I would create, and push the world to be more outside of the box.

Photo by @marceloraangeel (Marcelo Rangel on Unsplash)

I see the times of the 90s as when darker and edgier things came more to light, and caused more push back. It was inspiring to me. I sense that a lot of others around my age feel the same. It’s not the only generation that produces nostalgia, but I think it’s bigger than we know. And still affects us.

MY GREGG ARAKI STORY

 

Gregg Araki. New Queer Cinema. Both are statements in their own right. When I describe Gregg Araki or New Queer Cinema to friends who have no idea about Gregg or his Teenage Apocalypse Trilogy, the most simple way I can explain them is that if you’re meant to find them, you will. And I don’t mean that in a “you’re not cool enough” type way, but at the same time if you are weird enough and into campy & dark acid like teen films, you will find them. These films are for the outcasts who think differently, who view the world in a different and skewed format. 

 

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DVD’s for “The Doom Generation” & “Nowhere” (Araki films on DVD have by far been the hardest for me to find. I guard these with my life.)

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Rewinding back to my early “tween years,” I became really interested in indie/teen films that happened to be from the 90s to early 2000s era. They were different and not all of them were actually progressive in some ways, but a lot of them brought forward real types of teen culture that people were afraid to show. They seemed more fun to me than what my generation and I were getting fed at the time. From “I Know What You Did Last Summer” to “Scream,” teens were being shown as angsty & strong headed, silly, narcissistic, but also intelligent. That’s what I personally thought was great about that time from the looking glass of where I experienced it. There were depictions of realistic teens and then there were the parody-like and artificial archetypes in campy, funny yet dark films that were meant to poke fun at how older generations looked at teenagers in the 90s. 

Firstly, I discovered Sarah Michelle Gellar and Rose McGowan and became enamoured by their filmography. There was no one like them around in films (both different, but with similar messaging.) This led me to discover Gregg Araki and his “Teenage Apocalypse Trilogy” (Rose had roles in both “The Doom Generation” & “Nowhere.” I remember how much I followed the rules back then. I watched the trailers for both “Doom” & “Nowhere” so many times. Until I was finally allowed to order them online when I was beginning high school. But then I let myself watch “Mysterious Skin” (another Araki film) online when I was in grade 5. I don’t know why I thought this was better for me to watch at that age? It really affected me, but I did think it was an amazing film. It’s definitely one close to my heart.

But both “Doom” & “Nowhere” (There is also another film in the trilogy called “Totally Fucked Up”) were unlike any type of film I had ever witnessed. The cinematography, nihilistic tones against the hatred towards different types of youth in America, were both things I was never taught in school. Gregg was my schooling for queer individuals. I related to these hyper, colourful, and angry characters. Without them, my art and my character wouldn’t be the same. They took me up in a space shuttle and set me free into the world I never knew I was longing for. Even right down to the soundtrack. I felt like I needed to be at these parties in “Nowhere.” 

The green landscape photo is one of my photography pieces. However, I decided to contrast it with the Japanese (according to ebay) poster print for Doom. I absolutely love how it was designed.

Within the past 10 years (with tumblr, indie cinema gaining more attention due to the Internet, etc.) there’s been a resurgence in popularity towards Gregg’s films. There’s more young people who have now found these films that are nearly 25 years old now. These people now resonate with the themes that the films display (from the amazingly weird designed sets, random cameos and scenery that felt so well composed.) What is it with Gregg that finds more people drawn to his films and elements as the years go by? What I think is that Gregg’s films don’t try to be something they’re not. They don’t try to act “a little edgy,” while still being accessible to big mainstream studios and audiences. They are in your face, certainly not for everyone, and going at full speed with power, sex, violence, and real issues that adolescents faced in the 90s in America. The same exact problems may have changed for the latest generation, but the problems are still there in different ways. Young people still have reasons to fight back (i.e., wage equality, sexual assault, racism, toxic masculinity, etc.) These young people who are realizing they are fighters and can change the world are becoming inspired by people (in this case a filmmaker,) who doesn’t hold anything back when it comes to the troubles that queer youth have to go through. Even as an adult. 

The fact that there’s also a whole community of people who love Gregg’s films & New Queer Cinema can be really heartwarming. To me, when I find out someone is an Araki fan, it’s one of those things where I automatically can tell this person is wicked cool and understands the outcast way of life and thinking. I’m in shock that they aren’t bigger than they are, but I love that the Internet gave these films a new light beyond the indie film buff community. For not being on any internet movie platform, these kinds of stories from the 80s-90s era can sometimes fade into obscurity. But with a story and aesthetic as strong as these films give, it’s hard to not have these titles rise up in admiration again (whether it’s on Twitter & Instagram gifs, clothing lines, inspiring new dark teen films, etc.)

Imagine how cool it would be if there were more behind the scenes documentaries from the sets of the Apocalypse films? Personally, the most visuals I’ve ever seen were from makeup artist Jason Rail’s instagram account (@nosajliar on instagram) who actually worked on many Gregg Araki films back in the 90s, and now shares candid polaroids from his time on the sets. Every picture he shares is gold. From snapshots of Guillermo Diaz, Mena Suvari, Traci Lords, etc. It feels like things were truly indie & fun in the 90s because it looked like indie films truly didn’t have the amount of help they do now (in certain circumstances.) It seems like these artists behind the scenes worked hard and Gregg made sure the films were made the way he wanted. I even heard the sets in “Doom” & “Nowhere” were handmade. From the outwardly cool polkadot backdrop red, white, and blue backdrop to all the checkerboard print hotel rooms, this was DIY at its finest.

If you feel alone in your friend group, feel like an outsider in life, feel like the world doesn’t like people like you, Gregg’s films are for you. Especially films like “Nowhere” & “Doom.” And with lines like “look, you fucking chunky pumpkinhead!,” where can you go wrong?

#JUSTICEFORNOWAPOCALYPSE 

WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO “BE A MAN”

Being put out into the world as a “man,” I grew up as a “boy.” But even as a child, I didn’t feel like I personally needed to bring it up as my label. Fast forward to now, I identify under the male gender. “Male-ish” some might say. From days where I want to wear boots with a heel on them, to days where I have a beard, to days where I never wear a Sports jersey. 

Photo by Stacey Newman Photography

A part of me has always been judged by a lot of people around me growing up. I know it was the same for others. I think a lot of us are still looked at weirdly if we do not appear to look like someone’s preferred version of what they want. This has caused me to be afraid of a lot of men in particular because of my struggles with most of them behaving around me as I progressed in age. And I don’t mean that to disrespect all men, and I don’t want to generalize any gender fully. I don’t want this to be the truth either. I wish it wasn’t. I want all people to be accepting, but some can’t because of their own belief systems that were taught to them by those who raised them. Telling men they are the “power of the world” is damaging. Every harmful thing that we pass on is killing another person’s true self and ripping them apart internally. 

What should we do to end this? Stop telling someone they need to change. If it’s not harming themselves or those around them, it shouldn’t matter. Too many true humans are robbed of their individuality and this is something they never agreed to giving away. What will happen if we don’t keep pushing against this? The cycle keeps moving. And once passed on, it tells us men and actually everyone that if we don’t like the thought of being a sports player prodigy, that we are less than. I know it’s not an entire gender’s fault. It’s the fault of those who continue to push that toxic dividing narrative (men or women,) and those who don’t fight to change their own or other’s ways.

It’s how certain people look at me and a lot of us for being different than something they may not see within themselves. How myself and a lot of others are given dirty looks just because we aren’t wearing stereotypical get up. There was a time when I used to change how my voice sounded and my body language around most males that were around me.  I didn’t want to change myself because it felt inauthentic, but there were times where it felt like an act of survival mode kicking in so I didn’t feel judged. On one hand I didn’t care about those who didn’t understand me, but on the other it was also hard for me to deal with in a public or group setting. This can be seen as backwards, but why? The reason I did this was because I was still trying to unpack different types of rules ingrained into my character. Yet I still catch myself because we are all human and all adaptable. And if we keep letting others control what we become adjusted to, we’re going to be hurt and mentally hijacked. 

I think a lot of people in general can still use a lot of improvement. Start by not judging the person wearing heavy makeup, not caring if another man wants to look a certain way that’s different than you, not pushing certain roles onto someone because of how you think they should be, etc. I think it can actually get more simple to unpack once you are aware of the fact that so many societal roles are not ones you have to abide by. We also don’t deserve an answer to why someone looks or talks a certain way. When you tell me or someone else to “be a man,” you’re telling us to be gnarlier, to reach for that football winding in the sky, to do what I need to do to be put integrated into society as “the man” I should be. It’s just like when you tell a woman or anyone to be the version of what you think they are. Do all of us want the key to a happy life? That would be to let your true self fly and break out. Who are you really? It’s your choice. 

It’s the certain parts of “bro culture,” it’s the women who want to have a gay best friend “oh so badly!”, it’s those in the gay community that think they can fondle a woman because they aren’t a regular straight man, etc. The problem reaches all communities and all people. It just sadly comes famously from straight white people a lot. Your image or group becomes a problem when your way of life harms someone else’s openly, privately, whatever. 

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Photos by Aidan Fisher

I changed myself to who I want to be, how I want to look and when I want to change. It’s scary, but so are a lot of the people surrounding me on this earth. I don’t want to live for them. There’s amazing souls on this earth. We should let each one of them find that big self within them.

Let’s get to the real version of the future. It’s not too late to get there.

I WAS IN A PARK

The other night I walked along a suburban park area with my boyfriend and sister. This area was a part of my teenage years at one point in my life. There weren’t even that many memories there, but there were some. Some memories that were being tied in with new ones along the way in that night. It happens to me often. In which I go to places I have already been and experience a new version of it as I’m seeing it again. But it can also be a blur of a better version of that time I had been to that said place. To me that is true nostalgia. To me, there is not one type.

It happens to me more often at night and when it’s quiet. When I can hear my thoughts more without the invasion of other strangers’ words and loud noises. But there are other times I can drown it out and when it comforts me. It depends on the day and whether my mindset is clear or cloudy. It’s not black and white, but instead hazy.

When you have a memory of a park or a certain cafe and you revisit it, it can change. New thoughts can arise. A new opinion might surface. When you drive on a road you had memories of at an important stage in your life, you might always feel large depths of feelings towards it.  When you attend a place with new people in your life that you once attended with others, it can bring a new and better experience. Or vice versa.

What’s the point of this you may ask? To explore my mind even more. To maybe have a similar experience or thought process as someone else by making more written pieces, and having conversations. Taking trips in my mind while I am out in places (new or old) that I feel a connection with, makes me thrive. I may not be the only one, but I am definitely one more person who is expressing how they feel in this social obsessed world. Where we are afraid to be in our heads. To enjoy our own company.

Til we explore again in our heads together,

A